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Kyani Reid

5 Things I’ll Accept As An Alternative To A Commencement Ceremony

Like many, I graduated this semester. Also like many, I didn’t get to make the victorious stride across the stage and be handed my diploma. Although I was initially disappointed, it got me thinking, is it really necessary? Of course it’s something I would love to do but since the current state of our nation doesn’t allow it, I’m willing to accept these alternative options.

1. Student Loan Relief

If we aren’t able to walk, how about just clear us of all those loans? We have spent the last four (in my case five) building up debt with the promise of walking across a stage. Since that’s not happening, at the very least, pay off our misery.


2. Reimbursement


Personally, I’d just like a refund. Ideally, for all four years. But, as a compromise, I'm willing to accept a generous reimbursement of all school related purchases that were squandered this past semester. I’m aware some universities are doing some sort of version of this for the most recent term but I say it’s not enough. I’d like extra for emotional distress. Many of my easy A classes transformed into hard B’s once the quarantine started.


3. A Job

I just graduated so yes, I’d like a job. It’s probably the worst time to be looking for work right now. Many are being laid off and a plethora of companies have hiring freezes; and yet, I still need a job. So, if you know anyone in need of a recent journalism graduate, you know where to find me.


4. Tickets


Where you ask? Everywhere! To the trips I never booked, but need to be rescheduled; to the concerts I was thinking of going to, but couldn't afford; just, everywhere. I would like up to ten tickets of my choice-- when the time is right-- to anywhere I want.


5. Toilet Paper

The rumors are true. The stores are really out of toilet paper, paper towels, hand sanitizers-- everything. I’ve seen the rolls in our university’s bathrooms; they’re big. Since we’re not there to use them, how about you ship them to us?



These are my demands. Who's with me?


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